Tinder. The dating app that has appeared from nowhere and dramatically changed the way we view dating.
Following a pretty crap break up and armed with the website’s catchphrase: ‘Tinder is how people meet. It’s like real life, but better”, I decided to take the plunge and dive headfirst into the cyber dating scene.
And so do many men it seems. That’s plunge in headfirst. -rather disgusting pun intended- First impressions were not good. They say chivalry is dead and I for one am inclined to agree. They say not to judge a book by its cover but it’s pretty hard not to form an opinion when someone’s opening line is ‘when we meeting for sex?’ Yes. Really.
My first thought was ‘am I putting across the wrong image?’ Checking my pictures I’m sure I’m not. Judge for yourself. Then I read my bio. Again, I believe I’ve been polite enough. Clearly I just attract testosterone-fuelled men.
I mean seriously judge for yourself:
[Image: Rebecca Parker]
Then I met Bob. He wasn’t really called Bob but for privacy’s sake we shall refer to him as ‘Bob’. Tall, dark and handsome. Cricket player and nice guy. We chatted for a while and decided to meet in his hometown. Now children. Sit back and enjoy story time…
It was a Saturday evening and I got in my car and made the journey to his hometown. I parked up and he showed up a few minutes later. Even from in the car I could tell he was tall. And that my friends is where the success ends.
I should have brought my stepladder. Standing at six foot six tall it was clear he was just a little bit too tall for me. It would have been ok if I were average height myself. Alas, at four foot eleven, I realised that he looked like he was talking his daughter out for dinner.
That brings me on to dinner. Prior to meeting we had spoken about going to the beach, getting fish and chips and being cute, blah blah blah. But no. We didn’t get fish and chips. Bob’s idea of romance was taking me through a well-known burger ‘restaurant’ drive through. Not to discriminate against franchised burger joints, but comon’.
‘Don’t spill the milkshakes in my car’. Cue me pretending to spill said milkshakes in his car. That really didn’t go down too well. Cue him pulling his toddler tantrum face. As we pulled up along the sea front I get out to go and pay for a parking ticket. ‘What’re you doing?’ I get asked. Turns out Bob’s idea of ‘sitting on the sea front’ meant sitting in his car.
It gets worse. Bob chucked his rubbish out the window of his car. ‘Well I don’t want it in my car.’ Who does that?! Also please enlighten me, but who texts their cricket friends constantly when on a date? I mean I understand that we live in a digital age but whatever happened to common courtesy?
Once the date ended I went home. He went home and we never spoke again. Yet we’re both still on Tinder and both talking to new people. Moral of the story: Looks can be deceiving.
And now for the important part. Here are five things I’ve learnt from this date:
- You may be able to text someone and feel like you ‘know them’ but they can be totally different in reality.
- Someone can be hot but they can also be incredibly boring.
- Texting on dates is rude.
- Don’t date someone that is 6’6 if you’re 4’11. You will have to spend the entire date sitting down.
- 24 year olds with no ambition are a massive turn off.
Now someone pass me the Ben and Jerries.
Got an embarrasing or bad date story? Write for our new weekly feature Tinderella. Have you found your perfect match yet?