This guide will help you become the ultimate “Bruss” Boy. If followed correctly you will be ensured lots of attention from girls with a similar body shape.
This guide will help you become the ultimate “Bruss” Boy. If followed correctly you will be ensured lots of attention from girls with a similar body shape. Before heading to the gym (which is where you will spend your whole entire life from now on, apart from the kitchen) you must dress appropriately.
A tight, torn singlet which just covers the nipple tucked into small tight ‘booty’ shorts, a pair of shoes with no support (sole slippers are preferred), a try hard indie haircut, a tattoo about your family or an Indian tribe, a dark-orange complexion is preferred but for the sake of training it is not compulsory.
In order to compete at an optimum level at these events a “Bruss” boy will go through intensive training in the months often years coming up to an event. Training includes daily often twice daily gym sessions. Here is an example of a workout.
You will arrive at the gym in the uniform described above, hair will be long (shoulder length) and may be gelled, but there may still be enough gel from yesterday’s session to not have to reapply for the session.
Head to the weights area but only after taking an obligatory pre-gym selfie either in the toilets, lifting up your shirt to expose your abs or the v of the pelvis (make sure your tensing) or otherwise flexing your biceps in the mirror. *Note if the second selfie is taken it is crucial that weights can be seen in the shot so people can tell you are at the gym. Note: please post ASAP onto Instagram or Facebook (preferably both) using a high contrast filter.
Then once uploaded you may proceed to lift some weights. It does not matter which ones or how just as long as it looks like a lot. Remember to grunt a lot and you may need to throw water on yourself so it looks like you have been sweating. This lasts generally 10-15 minutes from then you can.
Take a really long time to fill up your water bottle. Hint: make sure you empty it first this will take longer.
Go over to other like-minded individuals for a grunt and a chat about who is lifting the biggest weights.
Do so for the next hour, then before leaving the gym make sure you take another selfie but do not upload until approximately four hours after the first selfie and use the caption “Great sesh boys #fourhourslater”
Great work on completing your session. Remember before you eat your next meal (which will consist of 1kg of poached chicken) make sure you upload another photo and use the hashtag #bulking.
Repeat the training regime 1-2 times a day up until your competition (i.e. Music Festival). On game day dress the same as stated above making sure to apply fresh gel and the darkest fake tan possible, remember to tense all day and talk to as many girls as you see—talking topic: the gym.
Have your say in the comments section below.